((( BIBLICAL STONING )))

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

People can be ridiculous!

Whether Jesus does or not is irrelevant to me

I MUST KEEP LAUGHING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

I deleted that last message I got from "Jesus"

I did so for it seems the only solution is to keep the Almighty

LAUGHING AND HAPPY

And, apparently, it is not in Jesus' nature to be really funny.


As for myself, being a buffoon comes naturally

I couldn't be a "savior" to save 

so much as a bottle that must be recycled.

However, I have no problem being a buffoon idiot.

It comes natural to me so, I have hope.

A dismal, hopeless kind of hope, but...

hope nonetheless

((( THE GREATEST MIRACLE )))

'All who truly know me 

know that my greatest miracle..

IS MY LOVE

In comparison, walking on water, healing the sick or raising the dead

are nothing. Unfortunately, the Love I have for my children

cannot be properly conveyed in books

YOU MUST KNOW ME PERSONALLY

TO KNOW THAT LOVE FIRSTHAND

It is a difficult thing in this world for there are MANY

counterfeit Jesus Christ spirits going around impersonating me.

This is the way the Almighty currently wants things to be.

I am forced to say...

Thy will be done'

~ Jesus Christ ~

MY COMMENT:

The wise will be chiefly concerned with whether or not

Jesus Christ would have actually said this

rather than IF He did.

((( JESUS CHRIST ON EVIL )))

'I made it quite clear, in my Earthly ministry,

that I do not know all things. What does this mean?

It means I am a created being, essentially, just like you.

The overall difference is that I remember my Oneness with the Almighty

while most of you do not.

Evil was born of the boredom of the Almighty.

Doing good for billions upon billions of years can easily produce

a desire to do something really different that becomes overwhelming.

Unfortunately, doing evil is the only other option.

I haven't reached that point yet, but I may one day.

If that ever happens I intend to un-create all those who love me

to the very best of my ability

Then completely destroy my Kingdom

~ Jesus Christ ~

MY COMMENT:

The wise will be chiefly concerned with whether or not
Jesus Christ would have actually said this
rather than IF He did.

((( JESUS CHRIST )))

'Many wonder about the "rapture". It is a term I NEVER USED

in my Earthly ministry. Yet Christians tend to act as though I did.

Many are mistaken for they foolishly take all the stories in ancient books about me

at face value. This is NOT a wise thing to do!

I will say this:

The more a person suffers in life, because of me, or for doing good,

the more they earn a glorious place in my Kingdom;
or in other glorious Kingdoms of my sacred friends.

What the predominantly righteous believe tends to command their fates.

Different celestial Kingdoms are like different countries;
you don't get in without a special passport.

Those who suffer little because of me are not as happy when they die.

They all have one major thing in common...

THEY WISH THEY HAD SUFFERED MORE!!!

The truly great heroes of humanity suffer much for doing good.

Those who do good and suffer ESPECIALLY because of me

are my most precious among all of humanity.

Oh, they can be very upset when they first meet me after death.

However, after I re-baptize them in LIVING WATER

EVERYTHING CHANGES!!!

For the short time they lived and suffered

they have the rest of eternity to be compensated

and compensated indeed are such great heroes!!'

~  Jesus Christ ~

MY COMMENT:

The wise will be chiefly concerned with whether or not

Jesus Christ would have actually said this

rather than IF He did.

((( AN UNFATHOMABLE MYSTERY )))

I CURRENTLY BELIEVE that what we call "reality" is quite possibly an unfathomable mystery having to do with consciousness that gives the impression an illusion is solidly real.

Quantum physicists are currently saying that atoms are made of mostly empty space and that there is nothing solid about an atom. Electrons and protons are pockets of energy that 'pop' in and out of this existence. Where do they go when they 'pop' out of this existence? Supposedly, that is anyone's guess.

Until we understand how consciousness collapses some sort of 'wave form function' to create the moment-by-moment reality we experience we should NOT be too certain about ANY scientific theory; for that precious scientific THEORY may eventually be thrown into the proverbial trash along with the Piltdown Man.

((( WHAT WE CALL REALITY )))

SUPPOSEDLY, what we call "reality" is an artificial environment. Anything with a beginning and an ending is artificial. The only things that are truly "real" are those things without beginnings and endings.

The only thing that makes us any different from the all inclusive Universal Mind are the personalities we have; better known as our "egos". The ego is what gives us the illusional sense that 'I am separate from that'. In fact everything is interconnected. Nothing is truly separate from anything else.

I've heard it said that if God could completely forget we exist we would completely disappear. I tend to agree with that sentiment.

I've also heard it said that if it were possible for so much as one tiny item, of our reality, to be removed from God He would not be able to function for He would be incomplete. Thus EVERYTHING is equally important. No one thing is any more important or unimportant than anything else...in the Ultimate scheme of things.

Of course, we can have personal preferences. For example TO ME a well-made guitar is much more valuable than a steaming dog turd. But that's just me, right? Dogs obviously do not agree with my sentiment.

Billionaires can trick themselves into thinking they are so very wealthy. HA! This planet is a microscopic speck in the living body of this galaxy. True wealth is not measured in puny human money. True wealth is measured in the quality of one's relationship with the Master Puppeteer of the Universe. When you make Him REALLY happy.... *It should be noted that the force of creation is predominantly male, although...well...it's difficult to explain. It is both male and female, but...I don't even pretend to remember enough to understand...yet.

However, for the sake of conversation I feel inspired to refer to the Master Puppeteer as "He". When He is very pleased and happy with you He can shower you with priceless "Gifts of the Spirit" which can take the form of Health, Strength, Overflowing Prosperity and Loving Happiness. There are other gifts I have yet to taste of, but I look forward to eternity through a noble and honorable death. I have every wonderful thing to look forward to!

((( UNIVERSAL WEALTH )))

"We tend to think of someone like Donald Trump as being very rich, but in the Universal scheme of things Donald Trump is nothing. Once you establish an expanding relationship with the Source of Everything you realize that you are having a relationship with a force that OWNS GALAXIES AND UNIVERSES. 

It creates for fun and a planet like Earth is expendable. Whether the Earth survives or blows up matters little to this force. From a Universal perspective, nothing really matters at all. Stars are dying, taking planets like Earth with them, all the time. Just another day for the Force of Intent from which everything comes into being."

"I have learned that shadows are made up of what science calls: dark matter. Without dark matter, in the universe, there would be no shadows and there would be no night. It would be light all the time, period. Plus we would not be able to use our sight to distinguish between one thing or another.

We truly cannot conceive how important shadows are in order to see the world we live in. In a world without shadows we would all be just like blind people. Yes, we would all be blinded... by the light"

"No matter how much one may advance, on the path of Universal Knowledge, one never outgrows the need to laugh and have as much fun as possible with existence."

- Lance Shield

((( REALLY BIG STATUE )))

WOW! THAT'S EITHER A REALLY BIG STATUE... 

...or those are really short people

How in friggin hell do you make a statue that big? 

I wonder if I can find a YouTube tutorial video. 

'First you get 500 thousand pounds of.... 

then you mix it with 200 thousand pounds of.... 

and then after you've done that 

you find out it's a hoax tutorial video'.

DAMN!!! Too late to get my money back 

for the supplies, right?

((( WHERE THE PEOPLE BEGIN )))

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

'When dealing with humanity, it is sometimes difficult to know 

where the garbage ends...and the people begin" - Lance Shield

((( THE ATHEIST FOOLS GET FOOLED )))

Just wait till they die and find out

there is indeed an afterlife!

OH, THAT'S GONNA HURT!!!

((( I'M MAD AS HELL )))

THIS SUMS UP WHY PEOPLE ARE SUPPORTING DONALD TRUMP!! 

I believe Mr Trump is trying his best to be nice, 

but he's running for president because 

HE'S MAD AS HELL AND HE'S NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

SHUTTING DOWN THE GOVERNMENT, LIKE THEY DID, 

WAS THE LAST STRAW!!! WE ARE NOT FORGETTING!!!!!

Rumor has it that many rich people are leaving America 

like rats leaving a sinking ship. 

If Donald Trump does not get elected as president 

you might as kiss your precious America GOOD BYE!!!! 

I believe Donald Trump is your LAST CHANCE, AMERICA!!!!

((( MEET THE DOLLY LAMA )))

"HELLO DOLLY!!"

"And you are....who, exactly?" - Dolly Lama

"This is Louis, Dolly,

It's so nice to have you back where you belong"

((( OF COURSE, I MAY BE WRONG )))

"Of course, I may be wrong about most everything I currently believe". This is my 'safety valve' mechanism that keeps me 'sane'. Whatever that is.

I no longer blindly believe ANY INFORMATION I have not personally verified as true and accurate. I do not necessarily reject such information, but if I have not personally verified it I hold the information in question until I do personally verify it. That works much better for me than having "blind faith" in books that are thousands of years old"

- Lance Shield

((( STELARA )))

"DO NOT TAKE STELARA IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO STELARA"

Isn't that kind of like saying 'do not drink poison if you are allergic to poison.'?

Do not drink milk if you are allergic to milk

Do not eat peanuts if you are allergic to peanuts

Do not pet dogs if you are allergic to dogs

Do not pet cats if.... etcetera, etcetera, etcetera....

You have to tell some people EVERYTHING!!!

THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE!

((( BARGAIN AIRLINES )))

AN AMERICAN 

recently took the cheapest flight available 

from Europe to New York City. 

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "Would you like dinner?"

AMERICAN: "What are my choices?"

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "Yes or no"

((( EGYPTIAN GOD HORUS )))

I just ordered this cool Egyptian god Horus statue. 

It's obviously made by the same people who made my really muscular 

Egyptian god Anubis statue. I see no problem owning such a statue...

AS LONG AS I DO NOT BOW DOWN IN WORSHIP BEFORE IT

If I choose to worship this statue I have crossed the line between admiration and...insanity!

I now hold a very dim view of worship. 

I feel it causes people to do INSANE things. 

I say: Any god who demands more than gestures of my loving gratitude 

is UNWORTHY of my loving gratitude. 

That may eventually get me thrown into hell. 

If so, my last words to God will be:

I FORGIVE YOU!

Many blindly feel the Illuminati All Seeing Eye
is the eye of the Egyptian god Horus and the Illuminati worship Horus.
Personally, I find it difficult to believe the Illuminati are dumber than I am

((( ETERNAL BEINGS )))

It's interesting to consider the concept of being an eternal being existing billions of years upon billions of years; on and on and on and on forever and ever and ever. If you've been doing only good for billions of years and wanted to do something really different, what other choice is there except to do evil?

I mean, 'not quite as good' is still "good", right?

So, for those who have been "good" for billions of years who are desperate to do something really different doing evil is the only choice available. Except for, maybe, not doing anything at all; sitting in a cross-legged Buddha type trance for the rest of eternity.

I sometimes feel that we humans are the victims of evil winning the overall battle and taking over the entire universe. Sometimes it really feels that way alright. I wonder how many thousand of years it would take, of doing evil, for Satan to become extremely bored with it all and desperate to do something different. What else could he do besides...good?

Come to think of it, all Buddha statues represent doing good. So sitting in one spot meditating for extended periods of time is not "evil". How much evil would the devil be motivated to do during such extended meditations? Not much, right?

So, if I can inspire Satan, and the Fallen Angels, to stop persecuting me and be nice, just for the heck of it, will that motivate God to...kick my ass? Questions, questions, questions....

You ain't thinking bout this type of stuff, are you?

Figures....

((( SHOW ME YOUR SOUL )))

In a world that can be so insane

I don't think it's very strange

For me to be in love with you

I wanna know more than your brain

Into my life you were injected

Not something that I expected

Now I smile from your affection

We have made a soul connection

Just for whom does your bell toll

Don't be cold show me your soul

[Chorus:]

Sentimental Gentlemen are not afraid to show you when

I am you, you're my best friend

Show me your soul

In a world that can be so insane

I don't think it's very strange

For me to be in love with you

I wanna know more than your brain

Yes, I find you so appealing

When you show me how you're feeling

You, my friend, should not be kneeling

Open up and start revealing

Trust in me my heart is sole

I need to see, show me your soul

[Chorus]

In a world that can be so insane

I don't think it's very strange

For me to be in love with you

I wanna know more than your brain

Don't expect too much from me

Perfection is no test for me

Because the best I'll ever be

Is just like you: A human being

You won't offend, I need to know

Please, my friend, show me your soul

[Chorus]

[Chanting]

*Guitar Lead & Sing Along song
with ridiculous rapping, on my part,
in made up Korean

((( LIVING IN THE PAST )))

Happy and I'm smiling,

walk a mile to drink your water.

You know I love to love you,

and above you there's no other.

We will dance and shout

while others pout of war's disaster.

Oh, we'll keep forgiving

No sense living in the past.

Once I used to join in

every boy and girl was my friend.

Now there's revolution, but they don't know

what they're fighting.

We will dance and shout
while others pout of war's disaster.

Oh, we'll keep forgiving

No sense living in the past.





(*) My substitution lyrics
Karaoke & New Bass Guitar song

((( BIGGUS DICKUS )))

'DON'T YOU DARE LAUGHUS!!!

((( THE TEUTONIC KNIGHTS )))

THE TEUTONIC KNIGHTS

OF THE COCONUTS 'SQUARE' ROUND TABLE

 'YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER
AND YOUR FATHER SMELLS OF ELDERBERRIES!!!"

~ French Kniggit ~

((( VATICAN RAG )))

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

"The Christian idea of fun is kind of like

a warm, fuzzy...

wet wash rag"

~ Lance Shield ~

((( KKK MEMORIAL DAY SALE )))

IT'S THE KKK MEMORIAL DAY SALE!!!!

BURNING CROSSES AND CIRCUMCISIONS (((HALF OFF!!)))

'Oh boy! Is there a limit to how many circumcisions I can buy?'

 'Dat depend on how big yo dick is, niggah!'

((( UNIVERSAL LOGIC )))

IT IS LOGICAL TO ASSUME if it is true that EVERYTHING is a miraculous wonder then the manipulation of one's life in good and wholesome ways should be relatively easy. However, if one firmly believes that miracles are not possible then one is stopped dead before the quest even begins.

WHAT WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE TENDS TO COMMAND US

However, it must be noted that there is a world of difference between what we THINK we believe and what we ACTUALLY believe. If YOU really believe Jesus rose from the dead then you should have no trouble WHATSOEVER walking on water and proving your faith. However, if you have your doubts chances are into the water you will sink.

Through my near-death experiences and my dealings with Nature I am more convinced than ever that the Earth is a Living Being and that galaxies are living organisms.

I believe more strongly than ever that if the Source of Everything approves of one there is limitless potential to access towards the remaking of one's life. I also believe it is not for us to presume to intrude upon the lives of others with out personal development. What we do with OUR lives is OUR business. What others do with THEIR lives is theirs.

Besides, I have found that people, in general, do not wanted to be helped. They want to be pampered. If you give them the tools to better their lives they won''t use them. Any solution more difficult than swallowing a pill is too much to ask of most.

Everyone, in general, has the same opportunity to do their own research into self-development and make advancements toward the wondrous remaking of their own lives. If they choose not to make the effort they will not reap the prize.

Trying to 'drag' others along can be a detrimental impediment towards self-realization and advancement. I believe, this is why the Buddha left his wealth and family behind. He traveled as light as possible and had little to no ties with anyone unless he absolutely had to.

So, how much does one truly want the fruits of miraculous self-advancement? How much is one willing to sacrifice? If the answer is "nothing" that is what you can expect to gain for your efforts: NOTHING!!

((( A LOOK INTO THE FUTURE )))

Things were extremely tense for Hillary Clinton as she entered into her nationwide televised debate with Donald Trump. Between the Benghazi, classified emails and Brice Taylor & Cathy O'brien scandals poor Hillary was hot-flashing like a camera flashing device gone berserk. Still, she's a trooper so she walked up to the debating podium to face Donald Trump.

Oh, it was brutal and then suddenly...

DONALD TRUMP:  I'm sorry, Hillary, but you are just not 'man' enough to be president of the United States.

HILLARY CLINTON: I'M MORE 'MAN' THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!!!!

DONALD TRUMP:  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*As Donald Trump falls on the stage laughing and kicking his feet into the air Hillary Clinton leaves the debating podium and stage never to return.

What? It's over? Hey, that Everybody Loves Raymond rerun is still on!!

 ''I'M MORE 'MAN' THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!!!'

"SHAZAM!!!"

((( MY SAFETY MECHANISM )))

"Of course, I may be wrong about most everything I currently believe". This is my 'safety valve' mechanism that keeps me 'sane'. Whatever that is.

I no longer blindly believe ANY INFORMATION I have not personally verified as true and accurate. I do not necessarily reject such information, but if I have not personally verified it I hold the information in question until I do personally verify it. That works much better for me than having "blind faith" in books that are thousands of years old"

((( SMART MRS PACHECO )))

MRS PACHECO IS A SMART GENETICALLY MODIFIED MEAT SHOPPER

'Mrs Pacheco. Wherever did you get that pork butt! It's as big as a horse's ass?!!'

MRS PACHECO: And just as tasty too!!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!!!!

((( TO PASTOR ROBERT TILTON )))

DEAR REVEREND ROBERT TILTON,

I just want you to know that after watching this video I decided it a 'call to righteousness' to donate $10.00 to your ministry. Lord knows that you have brought me much joy and laughter and that is very 'healing' indeed so I decided to 'sow my seed' into your ministry in order to 'reap' it again one glorious day.

Because of you I now know what the voice of God sounds like. God now speaks to me many times during the day. I interpret His Divine message to be: I LOVE YOU. What more important message from God do I need? God says I Love You in so many ways and when I smell the 'breath of the Lord' I always remember to give thanks.

So, consider what it would be like if the OVER TEN-THOUSAND people who watched this video all decided to donate $10.00 to your ministry as well out of grateful joy and laughter. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!!

Well, you don't have to imagine. Take out thy 'holy calculator' and figure it out for yourself. Hallelujah, what a blessing that would be, right? Oh, that all people were like me. Now I know the voice of God for what it is. THANK YEE! THANK YEE!! THANK YEE!!!

*I actually did donate $10.00 to his ministry

((( AS THOU LOOKEST )))

Thou art not as dumb as thou lookest

and, trust me, thou doest indeed

lookest pretty dumb

((( AND SO IT BEGINS )))

THE NATURE OF REALITY AND SOCIAL STRUCTURE PT 1

I am making very powerful connections with the Force of Creation through my associations with Mother Nature. To me the Spirit of Nature is the Holy Spirit. If the Spirit of Nature is not truly Holy then nothing is! That is my CURRENT view. However that may change. In very deep trance states I am inspired towards certain beliefs. First and foremost I am inspired to NEVER blindly believe ANY INFORMATION that I have not personally verified at true and accurate; whether that information comes from “God” or man. This is the safety mechanism that keeps me from going off my rocker blindly believing I am Jesus Christ, Krishna or whoever.

I've noticed a profound propensity for humanity to create all kinds of wild stories that they expect the ignorant to blindly believe at face value. Such stories surround all kinds of people throughout history. Whether Jesus Christ, or Krishna, or the Buddha or pagan gods or Hindu Gods, OR EVEN SCIENCE. People tend to set themselves up as authorities and expect everyone to blindly believe them at face value.

RUTHLESS CRITICAL THINKING is the enemy of religion AND EVEN SCIENCE!!

Religion and science want BLIND FAITH BELIEVERS, not ruthless critical thinkers. Science will ridicule the concept of Jesus rising from the dead. However, they have no problem blindly believing that everything in the Universe was once compressed to a point smaller than the head of a pin. In their insanity they say there is nothing whatsoever 'miraculous' about such a concept.

ARE YOU KIDDING!!!! Jesus rising from the dead is child's play compared to the concept of everything in the Universe once being compressed to a point smaller than the head of a pin!!! If this scientific postulation theory is true it is all the sign any sane person needs that the Universe is indeed miraculous!! Of course, they all disagree.

I'm trying to keep this short. I may elaborate in the future, but for now I will cut to the chase:

It is easy enough to create all kinds of wild, improvable miraculous stories about pagan or Hindu deities OR ANYONE ELSE, for that matter. However, the creation of teachings that are truly wise and can stand the test of time are, in my view, impossible. What Krishna and Jesus supposedly did is irrelevant compared the great wisdom they taught humanity. THAT is the real “miracle”. I feel the stories are there to hold the attention while the teachings are imparted.

We have no way of knowing how those teachings have been perverted, throughout the centuries, but it is a safe bet ALL OF THEM have been polluted by humanity, in one way or another.

I CURRENTLY FEEL that every delusional belief we may hold as fact impedes our true spiritual growth. We MUST become ruthless critical thinkers in order to see through all the proverbial 'smoke and mirrors' that impede true spiritual progress.

So, the greatness of the teachings is what counts, not the wild, improvable miraculous stories. What works to make one a better more joyful person should be adopted by the truly wise. Christians want nothing to do with the good and wholesome teachings of Krishna, the Buddha or others not approved by their demented religion.

THAT IS THEIR LOSS. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE MINE!

I am free to love and appreciate all human artistic beauty as long as I do not fall down and worship such art.

AND SO I NOW ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO WORSHIP ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!!

When I encounter Christians, on the Internet, they often try to make worship a requirement for Salvation in the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. I openly challenge them to show me any verses that say I must worship anyone or anything to be saved in the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. They always come up empty.

If you love your parents you are sane. If you worship your parents you are INSANE!! God is supposed to be “Our Father, right?

I rest my case.


Lance Shield